I know what you are thinking:
- Is she really writing an article about this?
- There are so many things wrong with that title!
- What makes her think that people don’t already love me?
- How rude!
- I’m not going to “get” people to love me.
- How offensive!
- Why did I click on this ridiculous link? I should stop reading this right now!
- She doesn’t accept comments in her blog posts? Pffft, I can see why! 🙂
But hold on, hold on! Hear me out.
I think the planet is calling for more and more authenticity.
I know that a couple of years ago I became almost averse to anything that didn’t ring true and didn’t have the feeling of authenticity. Relationships, foods, jobs, you name it.
As I started to go through this shift, I realized that I had spent much of my life creating an “illusion” of myself for people to love. Almost like a “character”. A person who said all the “acceptable” things, loved all the acceptable things, and went to all the acceptable places. And even when I couldn’t do those things anymore (because authenticity started to creep its sneaky little head into my business), I pretended to do them.
Why did I create this illusion of myself? I believe it was a fear of abandonment. A fear of not being loved. And I think that’s why most people are still going through life fabricating this illusion of themselves for other people to love.
Creating the illusion feels safe. It feels predictable. We know what is acceptable in society, so we go with that.
But my questions to anyone still doing that are:
- Are people falling in love with you?
- Or are they falling in love with your character, your illusion, your avatar? And how does that feel?
- Does that feel good?
- Are you exhausted yet from maintaining the illusion and not letting anyone see through the cracks?
- Are you feeling resentful yet toward the ones who make you feel like you have to jump through their ridiculous hoops in order to keep their love?
- Are you loving them when you are resenting them for the very thing you have conditioned them to expect of you?
When we start to show the world our true colors, our authenticity, something happens.
A polarity takes place. The people around us start to either love us or hate us. We lose control of who stays and who goes. People start to go away. Sometimes this means losing so much control that our world upends. Our house of cards built on sand comes crashing to the ground. The illusion crumbles.
Hate. Loss of control. Our lives crashing. People going away. OUCH!
But the love that remains or is attracted into your life by your new authenticity? It’s unconditional. Knowing that someone is loving us, and not our illusion (the us that really does not exist), feels good and real and energizing and light. We get to build a house of stone, built on a solid foundation of truth and authenticity. This house isn’t going anywhere, because it is solid and real and doesn’t take so much maintenance. We no longer have hoops to jump through.
So, how do we get people to love us? Really love us?
We show them who we are. What we want. What we need. What we love.
Show them who you are. Then pop some popcorn, sit back, and enjoy the fireworks.
Because there will be some fireworks. And some of them will hurt your ears. And some of them will hurt your heart.
But after the show, new life will bloom into your life and it will be more magical than you could have expected or imagined.
So, show them who you are. I dare you;)